The 10 Stages Of Going Out

By Victoria Robertson on January 27, 2015

We’re back in school for the spring semester, and after a relatively sober winter break at home with the family, we’re all ready to break out our favorite poison and head on out to the campus bars.

That being said, for mere entertainment purposes, here are the 10 stages of going out we all experience.

1. Getting Ready:

It may not seem that important, but this is the most important part of your night. Guys get this a little easier, but we are all planning on dressing to impress, so what we choose to wear certainly matters.

Doing our hair, putting on makeup, picking out a good smelling cologne or perfume, accessorizing, the list really is endless. And why? So we can go to a vomit-smelling, sweaty, nasty bar that will immediately overpower anything we did in the process of getting ready?

Well, at least we got to spend about an hour singing our favorite songs to the bathroom mirror.

2. The Pregame:

Now that we’re ready, it’s time for the party before the party. The gateway into the night. The “let’s talk about how great the night is going to be” rather than actually starting the night kind of party.

And is it just me, or are these things starting later and later? I’m sorry, we’re starting the pregame at 10 p.m.? My bedtime is at 9 p.m … so we may have a problem here.

But hey, there’s nothing like starting a party when most normal people are crawling into bed to watch “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.” And it isn’t every day you get to drink in preparation of drinking. Way to go, college.

3. The “I Overdid the Pregame:”

Uh oh spaghetti-o’s. Literally, there go your spaghetti-o’s.

Maybe 20 tequila shots wasn’t your best decision in the world. And shotgunning that last beer was definitely a mistake. And in hindsight, you probably should have skipped the five red solo cups of jungle juice.

No regrets, right?

4. The Ralph and Rally:

The puke and party, the yak and attack; whatever you call it, it’s time to make it happen.

So go ahead and find the nearest bathroom, take care of business, and get back out there, because you have a long night ahead of you still.

It’s not gonna be pleasant, but it’s gotta be done.

5. The Moment You Lose Everyone:

There’s always that one point in the night that everyone tries to get out to the bars together and for some reason, only two of you end up in line with no one else from the group to be seen.

How it happens, you’ll never know. But you’re not about to take an intoxicated walk around campus in search of them.

So, into the bar you go.

6. The Moment Everyone Finds Each Other:

Photo Via: http://image.slidesharecdn.com

After you’ve just spent the past 30 minutes in line complaining about how you lost everyone in your group, you miraculously are able to find every one of them within the first 10 minutes of being at the bar.

I guess it all works out, right?

7. The Moment You Lose Everyone … Again:

Wrong.

It really is only a matter of time. Either your friends catch someone’s eye from across the room or they’re really too drunk to pay attention to what’s going on. Either way, by this point, you’ve lost pretty much everyone.

But hey, who cares? It gives you the opportunity to head over to the dance floor and embarrass yourself for your own enjoyment. Perfect.

8. The Creepy Guy/Girl Encounter:

As if it wasn’t bad enough that you lost everyone, that person from across the bar took it as an open invitation to come on over.

You try every polite tactic you can until you finally think of a good enough excuse to get away. It’s the part of the night we’d rather live without, but that, for some reason, will continuously happen to us.

Socially awkward and annoying: always a good combo. Also a good indicator it’s time to go home.

9. The Walk Home:

It isn’t until you walk out of the bar that you realize exactly how drunk you are. It’s like a baby giraffe learning to walk for the first time. Guys stumble over themselves, girls take off their heels before they break an ankle.

And you never realized how far you lived from the bars until this moment. It’s like running a marathon just to the apartment that’s four blocks away.

The good news: you probably just worked off all the calories you spent the night taking in.

10. Bedtime:

After a successful night out, you’re ready to hit the sheets. Really, it’s the perfect end to a not-so-perfect night.

You’ve already accepted you won’t be making the 9 a.m. tomorrow morning with hopes you’ll make it to the 11 a.m.

Would you take any of it back? Maybe that last rum and coke. But who cares, it was all worth it.

Whether you’ve been out once or a hundred times, every college student knows what a process going out is. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

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